Pumpkin Baked Oatmeal

The impending colder weather this week (and it's arrival yesterday) have put me in the mood for baking.  I'm not sure what it is about the change of seasons (if you can call it that here in Texas) that makes me want to mix up and bake all kinds of yummy things.  Obviously, this can be a huge detriment to my healthier goals right now.  Fortunately, I came across a recipe on Pinterest for baked oatmeal.  It seemed healthy and my hope was that it would be something that I and my girls would enjoy for breakfast.

I tried this original recipe with a substitution  I didn't have any silken tofu (and wasn't in the mood to haul a sick 2 year old to the store for it), so I put in some plain greek yogurt.  I wasn't sure exactly how much a 1/2 a block of tofu would be so I used 3/4 c. yogurt instead.  It worked pretty well.  They came out tasting okay but not fantastic.  I went for less brown sugar, so with the yogurt, it had just a bit of a bitter flavor.  Next time I will use a bit more sugar.

On to my recipe though.  I got to thinking how great these would be in different flavors.  They are easy and inexpensive to make, so my idea was to make batches of different flavors and freeze them.  I decided to honor fall and try my idea for pumpkin baked oatmeal first.  I think they turned out pretty darn good.  I don't normally like to eat breakfast right away, even though the experts say you should.  These are great to have on hand because they taste yummy with my coffee, and at only 122 calories each, I can eat one right away and then have some eggs later in the morning to balance it out.  I haven't tried them out on the kidlets yet, but my suspicions are Eliza will like them and Evie won't. 

So here's the recipe.  Forgive me, I'm not a pro blogger who has beautiful step-by-step pictures.  Here is my attempt at a somewhat attractive picture.  They taste good anyway. 

Pumpkin Baked Oatmeal Bars

2 c. old-fashioned oats
1/2 c. brown sugar (I ran out on the original batch, and used 1/3 c. agave nectar.  If you use it, put in the blender with wet ingredients.)
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
3/4 c. milk
3/4 c. pureed pumpkin
1/2 c. applesauce
1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350.

In a bowl, combine oats, brown sugar, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder, and salt. In a blender, combine milk, pumpkin, applesauce, and vanilla and blend until smooth.  Pour into the bowl with dry ingredients and mix well.  Spread into a sprayed 8 x 8 baking dish.  If you are baking it right away, cook for 40 minutes.  Otherwise, you can let it sit overnight and bake it for 30 minutes as the oats will have absorbed more of the liquid.  Slice into 9 squares and serve.  Each square has approximately 122 calories.

For the next batch I want to try putting some apples in.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Looking Beyond the Scale

It's what I have to do this week.  The scale is not my friend today.  I'm not sure why.  Despite staying within my calorie limit, and working out, the scale has not budged.  I can sit here and play guessing games as to why.  There are many possible explanations.  But I'd rather attempt to focus on the positive things this week:

1) Someone I've only known for 6 weeks, and who had no idea about my weight loss journey, noticed I lost weight.  That was a huge confidence boost that the effort is worth it.  (It is for so many other reasons as well, but well, it's nice when people notice.)

2) I went to 2 BodyPump classes this week and saw quick results.  By the second class I was able to make it through the second round of squats/lunges, and I wasn't nearly as sore as I thought I was going to be.  Yay for getting stronger!  (Which could also be one of the reasons for the non-budging scale.)

3) I am noticing new muscle definition in my arms and legs.  Muscle definition is sexy.

4) One of the BodyPump leaders saw me after class and offered me a VIP pass to a session this coming week.  Another saw me Saturday and said she missed me in class that day.  It made me feel special, like I have my own little group of cheerleaders.  It may be all in my head.  I don't care. 

5) I feel leaner and stronger.  No number on the scale can beat that.


Even though it would be so easy to take this frustration and dwell on it, let myself roll around in the self-pity and be miserable and depressed, I won't.  I won't give up either.  I will look at these victories this week.  I will look at the fact that I am making myself stronger, fitter and healthier despite what that scale says.  I will hold my head high and walk into next week, prepared to try again.

Mondays Creeping In

Mondays are trying to creep back in.  The excuses, the ratonalizations, the outright refusal to listen to what is right and good.

Needing to remind myself of some truths this morning.

Have You Heard About Maggie?

I've had a couple of posts on hold for a bit, while I mulled thing over.  This is one of them.  It is about a book you may or may not have heard of.
The book is a new one, so new that it's only available for preorder and comes out in October.  Already it is making quite a stir.  The book is called "Maggie Goes On a Diet". 

I've been reading some things about it and trying to form educated opinions. That is more educated than my initial "What the heck are they thinking?!?" reaction.

For a brief background, the book is about a 14-year-old girl who is overweight and ends up, supposedly through eating right and exercising (obviously I haven't read it myself yet), losing weight and becomes the star of her school's soccer team.  The book is aimed to help children overcome obesity.

My internal struggle is this. I want to believe the author, Paul M. Kramer, had good intentions when writing it. It seems he has written other books on things like bullying and divorce. It's hard for me to imagine anything but good intent from someone who writes a book aimed at helping children.

I think though, that Mr. Kramer sadly misses the mark. Here are my issues with it, from I know of the book so far:

1) The title alone is an issue for me. I spent my lifetime growing up watching much-loved family members "diet" to be "skinny". And it worked for a time, but never long-term. Mr. Kramer claims "I am not advocating, and never did, that children should go on a diet. This is a change of lifestyle, this is not meant to be to go on a diet..." Source

So Mr. Kramer, if that's truly the case, why not choose a better title such as "Maggie Gets Fit" or "Maggie Gets Healthy" or simply "Maggie's Story". There are hundreds of better titles that could have been chosen that would reflect a message of adopting a healthy lifestyle v. dieting for looks.

2) The target age. Personally, I would expect a book about a 14-year-old losing weight would be targeted for well, other 14-year-olds. Or at least the 12-18 age group. However, take a look at the cover. It can be here seen at Amazon. The artwork, for whatever reason, reminds me of the Arthur cartoons/books, which are aimed at young children.

Also, if you go to the Amazon link and scroll down to product details, you will see the reading level is for 4 (most of whom can't even read on their own) to 8. That disturbs me, seriously disturbs me.  What 4 year old needs to be listening to a story about losing weight?  At that age, if a child is overweight, he/she should be encouraged to get out and play and be as active as possible.

Dr. Manny Alverez, senior managing health editor of FoxNews.com seems to think otherwise. "To think that this book is going to create anorexia in 5-year-olds is ludicrous."

I'm sorry Dr. Alvarez, but I disagree. Having worked in the child care and education fields for many years, I have seen first-hand, girls in this target age of 4-8 concerned about their weight, staring at themselves in the mirror, while tucking their tummies in and then refusing to eat dinner; refusing to eat chips because "Mom says it will make me fat". It can happen, much more easily than you think. To blow off such a concern is very, very foolish indeed.

3)"More and more people were beginning to know Maggie by name. Playing soccer gave Maggie popularity and fame.”

This is a line from the end of the book. Really, I think this is self-explanatory. But to elaborate - seriously?!? You're telling young girls that if they are skinny they will be popular? My mouth is hanging open here...


I think of all things though, my biggest issue is this: Between the author and the various "experts" I've heard defend this book, I would be willing to bet that none of them can truly know the heart of this issue: what it's like to be an overweight, adolescent girl. These men who are pediatric psychologists and doctors, have most very likely never been in a young girls' shoes.

I have. 

Weight is something I've struggled with my entire life.  My first consciousness of my size was delivered to me in first grade by a classmate.  As we stood in line to take a restroom break, he pointed to the bulletin board we were standing next to, which had a picture of an elephant on it, and said "That's you."  Two little words shattered my world.  While it didn't fully sink in at that time, it was the start of a slippery slope of watching my self-confidence drift away.

What would it have meant to me at 8, 10, 12 to be handed "Maggie Goes On a Diet"?  Would it have changed my life, turned it around and gotten to a healthy point then?  No, I don't believe so.

I think it would have pounded one more nail into my coffin of insecurity.  All it would have meant to me was that one more person thought I was fat, and thereby, not good enough, because obviously I needed to change.  While I can understand the health aspects differently now, I would not have understood that as a preadolescent girl.

Moreover, simply handing a child this book is not giving them the tools they really need to change.  As anyone who has gone down the long, long road of weight loss knows, is that support is number 1.  If you really want to help a child, you are going to need to reach the family.  I don't know that I had a lot of hope in losing weight as a young person, living in a house full of chips, cookies and ice cream.  (Please read:  I am not playing the parental blame-game here.  I love my parents and I know they did their best by us, and they always worked hard to put good food on the table for us.  But I do come from a family of sweet-tooths.)

Putting this book in the hands of a child who has no control over the food that comes into the home will be very damaging.  I have learned my control comes not in resisting the food once it's in my house, but in not bringing it in.  I don't think this makes me weak, I think it makes me smart to know this about myself.  But a young child who doesn't understand this and has no control over the food that comes into their home could end up very depressed from feeling like a failure.  It will drive home that because they cannot do what Maggie did, they are defective, unworthy and not good enough.

Mr. Kramer, I do firmly believe that handing a 6,8,10 year old this book, WILL do more harm than good.  I implore you to reach out to those who have truly been in Maggie's shoes if you truly want to help young children.  But rethink this book.  Even if it does help some, is it worth the harm it will do for many, many more?

Bye Bye Pins

Lately I've been addicted to the site P'interest. If you haven't checked it out, it is a site that is designed to be a virtual bulletin board where you can "pin" pictures of things you like. It's pretty interesting to see what other people pin. I've found some recipes that I've actually tried, like this broccoli and these quinoa burgers. I've found tons of home decorating ideas and craft projects, most of which I will likely never attempt. It's fun to dream though and have the ideas there in case one day I have that moment where I decide to tackle some DIY project.

More than all that though, I found myself pinning recipes of sinful looking desserts. They abound on the pin. You can't get away from them, and there are some truly spectacular looking sweets on there. I mean, take a look at just a sampling of my "board" Sweet Stuff.

I kept pinning them, telling myself it was for one day when I could handle having foods like that in my house. Or waiting for some special occasion.

I realized this weekend though they were holding me back. As I sat wiping the drool off my keyboard, I found myself sinking into that place that I hate so much. The place that is like my 5-year-old when she doesn't get her way, and wants to throw a tantrum and scream "It's not fair!!!" I feel that way sometimes, when I've been a good girl and resisted temptation after temptation. It gets to a point where it gets hard, where I want to say I'm done, I've had enough, I don't want to deny myself anymore. I want to plunge in and try every one of those recipes you see there, plus about 10 times more.

But that is not what God wants for me. As Lysa TerKeurst says in Made to Crave, "I am made for more." And I am. I am made for so much more than the person I've been the last few years. God did not make me to be grumpy and tired all the time, depressed and miserable because of the state of my body. My physical health had started to an effect on my mental health and I cannot be my best to serve Him in such a state.

" God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." James 1:12-15

This verse stood out to me as I wanted to whine about the everpresent temptations. God does not say that temptation will ever end. Temptation isn't a one-time event that if we make it through we are good to go. It is ongoing, as long as we are here on this earth. But God does promise that if we bear it up with patience, He will bless us. And what a blessing, the Crown of Life. It really puts an amazing perspective on things.

Tonight I have helped myself out a little towards enduring with patience. I have deleted my Sweet Stuff pin board. I may need to get to a point of staying off the site altogether. That is okay. Because I will one day receive my reward that is so much sweeter than anything there.

A Recipe for You

This week, the realities of life have definitely hit. I've realized how blessed I've been the last several months to have the liberty to go the gym just about whenever I want. That has all changed this week. My early morning trips are out since I have to get up and get Evie ready to be out the door and on the way to kindergarten by 7:00 in the morning. I also started a part-time teaching job this week. I have one class in the morning from 10-11 and then have to be back by 2:30. In between I have to fit in lunch and nap for Eliza. Needless to say, it's been a juggling act, but I've managed to fit in at least my C25K workouts.

Food logging has gone out the door this week, as well. I've done my best to mind what I am eating but there is so much more room for slipping in the little things here and there when you aren't writing them down. To be honest, why writing food down helps keep me in line is that I'm lazy. When I weigh the effort of figuring out the calories in 3 chips v. the pleasure of eating the chips, well, the chips lose.

I thought I would share a recipe today. This is one I made to take to the infamous family reunion. It is based off of a recipe my mother makes that is yummy delicious. Her version uses Ramen noodles and the seasoning packet. The Ramen noodles do lend a nice crunch, but I wanted that crunch without the Ramen noodles. So I substituted pumpkin seeds. I think it tastes fine without the seasoning in the dressing too. But if you try and find some seasoning that tastes good with it, please let me know!

(I apologize I don't have beautiful pictures of this as many blogs do. I'm not even sure where my camera is right now.)

Broccoli Slaw

In a large bowl mix together:
1 package broccoli slaw
1/2 c. chopped pecans (I like them finely chopped)
1/2 c. sunflower seeds
1/2 c. pumpkin seeds

In a smaller bowl mix together:
1/4 c. extra virgin olive oil
1/4 c. apple cider vinegar
1/4 c. agave nectar (you could probably substitute honey just fine)

Pour the dressing over the slaw mixture and stir everything together very thoroughly since the seeds and nuts tend to gravitate to the bottom.

To the best of my calculations, this makes 4-5 c. with approximately 243 calories per cup.

Enjoy!

Weigh In Day

Another 2.8 lbs downs!!!

I wasn't sure how today would go. I've had a couple of iffy days. One day I stayed in my calorie limit, but ate foods that were not so great for me - a slice of pizza and some frozen yogurt. Saturday, we ate at my parents' house. I did my best with the food choices, but did eat a tiny bit of rice and potatoes.

I will say out of this has come a big dawning realization. I used to think it didn't quite matter so much what I ate when it came to losing weight, as long as I stayed within my calorie range. I am realizing that is simply not true.

I may lose weight eating pizza and ice cream. But I am going to lose it faster if I eat the right foods. Plus eating those things made my body feel bad. Without delving into the details, let's just say my digestive system was not happy with some of the choices I've made.

So it's reaffirmed my decision to cut out all simple carbs like rice and potatoes, breads (pizza crust) and other nutritionally lacking foods. My eating will consist primarily of lean meats, fruits and veggies and smaller amounts of whole grains (like oatmeal).

If anyone's curious exactly what I'm doing, I exercise at least 3 days a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am running the Couch to 5K program. I do walk longer than the program requires to make my total workout usually anywhere from 45 - 60 minutes. I have started incorporating some weight training these days as well, but I need to get a better routine as far as that goes. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I now try to get to the gym to swim laps and then do a yoga class. This week, I didn't make it to the pool until yesterday afternoon.

So yes, I am losing weight going to the gym 3 days a week and limiting my calories to 1800. This may not work for everyone, I know for a fact that I have a higher metabolism (thanks to my super-smart professor brother-in-law. But this is working for me!

I'm off now to finish getting a little girl ready for her first day of kindergarten! Wish me luck that I'm not a blubbering mess!

Post-Reunion Weigh In

So today is weigh-in day. The scale is exactly the same as this time last week. While I'm a bit disappointed at no loss at all, I'm not overly surprised and I am thrilled that there is no gain. I consider that a victory in the face of the family reunion.

We had a great time, in case you were wondering. And overall I did well. Not perfect, I did nibble a few bites of brownie. But preparing helped so much. And as tempting as that dessert table was, it made it easier to resist as I sat across from a family member with a plate full of goodies and listened as she declared, "Well, I guess the diet will start again on Monday."

Not for me, nope. No more Mondays. That statement was exactly what I need to shoo away the thoughts rolling around in my head. "Just one cookie won't hurt. One piece of cake won't be so bad."

I feel as if this post is a bit disjointed this morning. My 5 year old is going through one of her wakeful stages. She cycles through these phases where she will wake in the night for most nights in a week. Since Thursday, she has woken us up all but one night. And when she does this, she usually wakes us more than once because she can't go back to sleep.

It's been a while since I've gotten a good night's sleep. I shut off the alarm this morning and didn't make it to the gym. I really have too much to do to haul the girls to the gym with me, but I will. I really need to make this week count.

Taking my scattered thoughts and saying goodbye for the morning.

Small Step, Big Victory

This morning everything was stacked against me. I was very tired for many reasons. Just getting out of bed was hard enough. But I took that step. I needed to go to the gym early because I have too much to do later.

So step by step, I made myself get ready. My body was fighting me the whole way to get back in bed. Thankfully my will to finish out this week's run was stronger. Bit by bit I made it to the gym.

Today's run was 20 minutes of running, no stopping. For more than a week now, I've been thinking it impossible. I've been thinking there'd be no way I'd be ready for it. I went back forth trying to decide if I should repeat W5D2 today and then do week 5 over again next week.

Finally I decided to just do it. Nothing would be lost for lack of trying. The worst thing that would happen would be that I would end up having to take a break.

I'm so glad I pushed myself to do it. Because I did it. I finished. Yep, me. I ran 20 minutes. It's probably been more than 10 years since I've ran that much.

And you know what? It felt great. It felt great to finish, to set my mind to something and do it. One more little step along the way.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Press on, my friends, press on.

Preparedness

I have tried to be as prepared as I can be for this weekend. I have some things I am going to make to eat and take with me. I've bought some healthy snacks for myself and the girls. I've talked with my sister who many years ago went through her own weight loss battle and has kept it off. I am thankful she will be there as I know she will be a big support. I am praying, praying that God will be with me and give the strength I need. I will take Bible and Made to Crave and my memory verse cards to give my mind something to occupy itself.

I have been mentally preparing to deal with other people. It's amazing how people with such unhealthy eating habits tend to pick on those who make more healthful choices. I know this happens, and will happen because I've seen it happen to my sister over the years. I guess it's insecurity, wishfulness for the kind of discipline it takes to eat well on a regular basis?

At any rate, I feel as prepared as I can and I feel all I can do now is make the best choices I can, stick to the plan I have and trust in the Lord for strength.


"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" 1 Peter 3:15

Inspiration

This is what I need to remember this week. This week will not be about physical strength, but an emotional strength I am going to have to dig deep to find.

This week is setting up to be a tough one.

Hurdle #1: I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the scale result next week. Even though it's technically week 3, the first week's results were so dismal that it feela like week 2. Yes, I'm a Biggest Loser junkie, and therefore preparing myself that week 2's results will be less than stellar, at least as far as numbers go. I also know the fact that I've started weight training and swimming will make a difference, as that will build muscle which can affect the scale.

So, mental prep #1: It's not just about the numbers. I know that if I do my best, I can look back and feel successful about the week, regardless of the number.

Hurdle #2: It's getting to be that time of the month. Oh yes, this is the week that it normally hits hardest. The sweets cravings. The moodiness. The sleep issues which make the first and second even harder to deal with. Not to mention the bloating, which can add 2+ pounds to the scale.

Mental Prep #2: You do not need chocolate or sweets. You CAN do it.

Hurdle #3: Family reunion. Oh my, the family reunion, the exhibition of where all my bad eating habits have come from. For breakfasts there will be eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits and gravy galore! Friday's dinner will be a fish fry complete with hushpuppies and french fries, and the assorted mayo laden salads that other family members bring. Saturday's dinner is hot dogs and more mayo laden salads. Sunday's lunch rounds out the weekend with ribs and fried chicken, and you guessed - more mayo salads. Oh we can't forget dessert. Each meal will not have one or two desserts but an entire dessert table. That glorious beacon of cakes, cookies, brownies and pies. And will be left sitting out for nibbling all the day long.

Mental Prep #3: Prepare. That's all I can do is prepare. Mentally walking through the days and the food choices I will make. I am also planning to take food with. I will make some side dishes which are mayo free. We will also have a fridge in our cabin, so I will be brining healthy foods, not for me only, but my girls as well. I want healthy snacks available for them, not the cookies, brownies and other treats we consumed in a free-for-all as children.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can make this week successful.

This Morning's Weigh In

Drumroll please.....



A loss of 4.4 lbs this week!!!

Yeah, I'm doing a happy dance this morning!!

Filling the Emptiness

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."

Ephesians 1:17 - 19


This morning God did grant me a bit of wisdom, a bit of revelation and I am thankful for that.

I've recently started following the SINS blog and some others and this morning discovered the WOD Talk, an ezine. It was my excitement and reaction to discovering it that brought about this revelation, as I thought, "Another good fitness reading to fill my mind."

See, the last few days, I've been trying to fill my thoughts and mind with thoughts of working out, training, getting fit. I figure if I can replace some not so good things that have occupying my thoughts lately with positive ones of fitness and exercise, surely I will succeed.

And then it hit me. What Lysa has been trying to tell me through her book. Filling my thoughts with exercise and fitness may be better than other things, but if I do so, I will still fail. I will fail as surely as I did when I used to fill myself with food. I will still feel as empty, because nothing can take the place of my God.

So I am setting out to fill my thoughts with his Truth. The verse at the beginning of this post will be my memory verse this week, one that I will think when my mind finds itself with nothing else to do. Reading fitness publications is not a bad thing at all. But I cannot use it to replace my God.

God, I thank you, that even before seeking out this verse this morning, you did just what it said and filled me with your spirit of wisdom and revelation.

"There's no magic pill...no special clothes (although a "SINS" tank might help! ;))...NO shortcuts to being truly fit and STRONG! Do what it takes! You WON'T regret it if you take the time and put in the work!" ~Marsha (SINS)




"You are stronger than you think."

A little inspiration for the day.

Coming back to add one more, fitting for my post from Monday.

A Better Day

Today is another day as they say. I'm feeling much less whiny than I was yesterday.

This may be in part because I did C25K Week 4 Day 1 yesterday. It was challenging, but completely doable, and I was able to chat a bit with a friend during one of the running segments. That makes me feel good.

It makes me feel like I can accomplish this 5K thing. If I keep on track, and barring any injuries, I should easily be able to run a local 5K that is scheduled for the end of October.

As far as the weight issue, I've looked back over my eating log. As I said I mostly stayed in my calorie limit. I didn't go over by so much (100 calories at most) that I should have lost so little. But I looked at the type of foods I ate - too many treats, breads, etc.

It has made me realize that for now, I HAVE to stay away from these things, not even in moderation right now. They will not help me succeed. So later today I will sit down and make a no-no list. I feel I can put it off until later, because I am feeling empowered and good today, and I know I will make the right choices until then.

It worries me feeling this way though, because I know while I feel good now, tomorrow may be miserable and may be one of those days where I screw everything up. I can't worry about that right now, right? One small step at a time.

First Weigh In

"...God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to stay in a place of defeat."

"...God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to stay in a place of defeat."

"...God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to stay in a place of defeat."

"...God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to stay in a place of defeat."

Craving God, A 21-Day Devotional Challenge by Lysa TerKeurst


I need to pound this message into my head. I am feeling unbelievably defeated today.

After a week of hard workouts, and mostly staying within my calorie limit, I only lost .4 lbs, per my official weigh in.

That is very depressing, especially mid-week showed a 3 lb loss.

Did I really screw it up that badly over the weekend? I didn't think so, but apparently I did.

I want to cry. I feel like I will never get past this right now. It doesn't help that I am utterly exhausted from my 2-year-old keeping me during the night.

I know it's not right to feel this way, but I feel like I am being punished. I feel like a failure. Like I will never ever get there.

I guess this is when God wants me to lean on Him more. But I am a failure at that too.

How do I do it, when the roll is in my mouth before I can even think to rely on Him, to turn to prayer? I don't get it, I just don't.

End of the Day

Overall, it has not been a stunning day. After a seemingly good night's sleep - well, at least not bad for me - I have been in a foggy funk all day. These are the days it's hard. These are the days that I don't understand why. I need answers to these physical issues that make me feel this way.

Anyway, I stayed within my calorie limit although I did work in a Hershey's bar in there. Sigh.

Didn't make it to the gym.

Stellar.

Rough morning

I seemed to sleep okay last night. So I'm not sure why I feel like I'm still asleep. This is the part of life I hate right now, feeling like this. I am mean and cranky to my girls. I need to go read.

On to other things. I weighed in this morning. Forgot to yesterday. So my official starting weight is 216. Ugh. Most of the weight I lost in January put back on. About what I expected with all the eating out this month and indulging otherwise.

Going to go read and try to find a better perspective.

End of the Day

Well, my Last Monday has been a successful one. I ate within my calorie limits and no forbidden foods. I went to the gym and spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. A total of 12 of those minutes were spent running (okay jogging at best, but you get the idea), and I pushed my speed on a couple of intervals.


I am thankful that God gave me strength today to do what I need to do.


The first small step in a very long journey.

The Last Monday

"But in that moment of temptation, I realized having a pity party was a clue I was relying on my own strength, a strength that has failed me before and would fail me again."

"Compromise upon compromise equals failure. Promise upon promise creates empowerment."

"What if this battle with food isn't the curse we've always thought it to be? What if it's actually the very thing, if brought under control, that can lead us to a better understanding of God?"

"The reality is, we all have things in our lives that we have to learn to surrender, give up, sacrifice, turn away from."

"...only persevering with God will make us truly full, complete, not lacking anything."

Lysa TurKeurst, Made to Crave



So it is here. The Last Monday.

My morning started off reading a chapter from Made to Crave, "It's Not Fair". These are truths that stood out to me in my reading.

Breakfast was a smoothie with almond butter, banana and greek yogurt. One of my favorites.

A trip to the Y later with my girls.

My prayer is that God will fill me this day.

Why The Last Monday?

As those who have long struggled with weight know, there is always a Monday. Always a reason to put off losing weight. Always another excuse to indulge today, because "I'll start my diet Monday."

Lately, I've had too many Mondays. Too many days of starting over, instead of simply sticking with it. Too many weekends of letting myself indulge "just this once."

I'm done. I'm so over it.

So after another weekend of gorging on pizza and other delicious carbs, another Sunday morning of waking up with the "carb hangover" as I call it, I am done.

Tomorrow will be a Monday. But I am so incredibly determined that it will be my last.

I'm tired of feeling tired and miserable and full of self-loathing. I want to be able to love myself, enjoy my body and return to feeling the strong and healthy me that I once was.